The Reserve (Love Is)

334 days have lapsed since my best friend passed away.  With each new discovery and every battle won there is a yearning to see the expression on his face as he says, “You made it happen. What will you do to celebrate?”

(Re)learning how to have a good time and enjoy precious moments in the midst of heartache is literally the bedrock of grief. Lot’s of grinning and bearing it. Looking at the bright side requires me to think outside of the loss, which is always top of mind.

Three hundred and thirty-four. 3+3+4=10. 10 is a good number. Maybe it’s my lucky day.  See, that’s me, looking at the bright side, being positive and not being sarcastic.

…But there are exchanges that provide a sense of comfort that can’t be ignored. This morning a friend of mine gifted me a poem entitled, “May Perpetual Light Shine,” by Patricia Spears Jones. One verse perfectly describes what was left for me and how I persevere with a broken heart:

What is known as love, what can become 
the heart’s food stored away for some future

He used to say that my love kept him going. Then, he left.

On the bright side, the love we shared prepared me for an unthinkable journey. The beauty of unconditional love and friendship is relying on what’s stored away, when it seems like nothing is left. The reserve endures.